i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
