What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize