Your tits are I can't wait for
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize