i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
