youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize