Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
well you can't waste a boner
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
