I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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