is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
