i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
