We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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