the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
