; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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