When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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