it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
