I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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