Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
