maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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