Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
