i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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