dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
