"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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