I hate your face
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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