I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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