So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
