Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
