yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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