my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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