I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
