So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
