okay pat passed out under dana's car
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wear drunk well.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
