Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
