I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
cat food counts as protein by the way
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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