shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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