we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
another moral hangover. fuck.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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