It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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