Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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