dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
