Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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