so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
