I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
