Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
