no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
