Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
