he shaved USA in his pubs
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
