Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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