So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
