happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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