I think i peed on brittanys purse
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
