I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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