I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
