I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
