There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
