I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
