I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
