I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize