This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
