If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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