I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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