Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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