Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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