my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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