worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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