I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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