sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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