I'm gonna have a badass scar
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
