I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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